Zombie-Proof Your Home: Getting In Shape

Zombie Proof Your Home: Getting In Shape - Seva Team

Written by Steven D’Adamo

Good day, fellow survivors! I’m back with more tips to zombie-proof your home…and your life. Your home is now a castle, but can you survive in it? Probably not for long. You need food, and that means going on a raiding mission of your nearest mega-bulk-everything-warehouse. I hope there’s a CostCo near you.

But before you un-barricade your doors and windows and rush headlong into that mob of zombies that has been waiting for such a desperate, brash move for weeks, you’ll want to make sure you can actually outrun them first.

It’s time to get yourselves into zombie-fighting and running-away-from shape. Since you are now hopefully holed up in your Fortress of Solitude (from zombies), you won’t be able to do much training outside. And that means getting creative with some indoor calisthenics.

Resistance Training

In order to be able to escape in any circumstance, you’ll basically need to turn into an amateur parkour runner. Pull-ups aren’t just for the Army anymore. Find a balcony, a stack of desks, or an actual pull-up bar and start hanging from it until you can literally pull yourself up. Once you can do that, add weight using a backpack or a small child, and keep pulling. Then do it with someone on your back. You never know when you’ll need to carry dead weight (Ha! Bad pun).

Then do some push-ups. Why? Because they basically work every muscle in the body. Increase the amount of weight you actually push up until you can do at least 50 with any weight. Use the same increments you did for pull-ups: your own weight > small child > fully grown adult.

Then, you can do squats to build those legs. Squatting your own body weight can be quite the workout, but eventually, you’ll need to do some squats with extra weight on your back.

You can also do box-jumps to help your ups. Simply stand in front of a desk, a table, or some stairs, and jump up onto it. Do this in sets of 10 to 12, and increase the height of the “box.” By the end of your training, you should be able to scale a 10-foot wall by jumping, grabbing the ledge, and pulling yourself up.


If you’re completely insane — and I’m guessing by this point about 60% of you are — you can go running outside. See how long you can make a pack of zombies trail you before they give up, or you give up and die. Then practice cutting and juking around them for some directional speed. And of course, you can take the term “suicides” literally by doing wind-sprints through a field of grabby, bitey hands and mouths.

Or you could just stay inside and jump rope for a while. It’s your call.

Don’t forget to train other muscles too, using whatever is lying around. Your overall strength will benefit greatly from strengthening secondary muscles like you triceps, hip abductors, and deltoids (shoulders).

The Fort Talk Local Team has been doing a lot of training. What do you think we’ve been doing with the twenty-something computer monitors we had laying around? They work surprisingly well as junk kettlebells and free weights.

Now get to training! And here’s the last installment in case you missed it. Steve out.

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