Zombie-Proof Your Home: Protecting the Castle

Zombie-Proof Your Home: Protecting the Castle - Seva Team

Written by Steven D’Adamo

I’m back yet again survivors, but it was a close one this week. The crew here at Fort Seva Call decided to go on a food-run, confident that our training regimen would keep us safe. Boy, were we dead wrong.

After returning from CostCo with a fresh cart of 500 cup-o-noodles, 4 gallons of sweet barbecue sauce, and a 50-pound bag of gummy bears, we found the front yard of Fort Seva Call overrun by zombies! It certainly put our training to the test, but we would not have survived if we hadn’t had a surprise visitor.

Manpreet Singh! The one and only Seva Call Founder was somehow surviving on the roof of Fort Seva Call…for weeks! He was separated from the other founders when the apocalypse broke out during their Chipotle run. When he returned to Seva Call headquarters to help the rest of us, he found it boarded up.

We managed to survive the attack with some fierce fighting and fearless leadership from Manpreet, and got back inside the Fort. Then, Manpreet decided it was time to expand the defenses of Seva Call’s home office into the front and back yards.

Maybe you can use some of these modifications to zombie-proof your home. Here’s what we did:

The front yard is a bottle-necked mud pit. Fort Seva Call has two entrances to a semi-circular driveway. Two-way access to the front of the house? No good. We barricaded both driveways with spare cars, forcing any zombies to come through the middle. The front yard is a short, but very steep hill, which we dug up and hosed down, turning it into a mud pit. We also uprooted the few saplings that were planted on top of the hill and threw them into the ditch at the bottom as further obstructions.

The side yards are littered with cars and spare furniture. We obviously don’t have enough huge pieces of junk to fill every space — we’re not Ikea — but it’s always good to create a labyrinth of blockades for your hungry pursuers. It also gives us some cover when we’re trying to sneak out.

The back patio is an obstacle course of more cars. We were actually lucky that the office was full when the infection broke out, because it left us with 27 cars to move around. The backyard is a flat, stone patio surrounded by a wide, grassy field. We played ring-around-the-patio with the cars, creating a wall of cover around the weakest point in the Fort Seva Call defenses.

And throughout this three-tiered defensive perimeter? Weapons stashes: because you never know when you’ll be on the run and in need of a handy mattock or crowbar. Two of the cars around the patio ring, one in each side yard, and two in the front yard are filled with weapons for quick, mid-sprint access.

If your fortress happens to have upper-level balconies or decks — or very large windows — you can always heave heavy objects off of them in the event of a zombie siege.

I hope you found this helpful. I’ll be back with more later on. Steve out.

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