Posts Tagged ‘apocalypse’


Zombie-Proof Your Home: Perfecting the Getaway Car

Wednesday, August 14th, 2013

Written by Steven D’Adamo

Good news Seva Callers! It appears that our collective efforts to root out the zombies and help other survivors has been working; there seem to be less and less undead lurking around the neighborhood every day.

And more good news! We found the remaining founders, previously lost on a Chipotle run. Figures that they were holed up in Chipotle, happily living off of an endless supply of rice, tortilla chips, and Tabasco sauce.

But there is still one key person missing from Fort Seva Call: Seva Man himself! The last we heard from him, he was in Green Bay, where the locals had turned Lambeau Field into Lambeau Castle, evidently taking our protective measures to grand proportions.

Now, we’re preparing to empty Fort Seva Call on a desperate rescue mission to bring our hero back to his now-fortified home. But we can’t just roll out in a used Corolla and expect a high survival rate. So we’re turning a few of the Seva Call commuter cars into zombie-busting vehicles.

If you have finished working to zombie-proof your home, join our convoy rescue mission across the US! But make some modifications to your cars first.

The Roadster

It’s all well and good to transform a truck into a zombie-crushing tank — or to have an actual tank — but you may find a small, zippy road car useful to get in and out of tight spots quickly and quietly.

So find a small sedan or sports coupe with a decent engine, and reinforce the front and back bumpers with some unused garden tools, preferably of the sharp variety. You can even do this all the way around the car.

Then take a page out of the hurricane-proofing book and reinforce the side and rear windows with hurricane film. This peel-and-stick film will keep glass from shattering in your face and allow ample visibility.

Zombie-Proof Your Home: Perfecting the Getaway Car - Seva Team

The Caravan

It’s not very efficient to have only a few people to a car. If you’re travelling in large groups, use a bus or large van to transport lots of people or supplies at once.

Make those passengers useful by having them deflect oncoming zombies out of drilled holes in the side of the vehicle. You could even build a plywood-reinforced bunker on top of the van for some extra protection and a bird’s-eye view of the action.

Or you could just turn it into a party bus.

Zombie-Proof Your Home: Perfecting the Getaway Car - Seva Team

The (Zombie) Monster Truck

This is the vehicle you want for traversing rough terrain and bursting through a mosh pit of zombies without a scratch.

Thick-treaded tires, raised suspension, steel bumpers, and tinted, reinforced windows won’t look gaudy when they’re bulldozing through a city’s worth of hungry walkers. You might as well use an actual bulldozer if you can find one.

Go all out with the above modifications. Don’t worry about how fast you can reach 60 mph. This vehicle is for powering through the most dangerous situations.

Load your monster truck with your best fighters and heaviest weapons, and let it charge through the undead masses, clearing a path for the rest of the convoy.

Are you ready? Because we’re moving out! Off to save Seva Man!

Zombie-Proof Your Home: New Duds – Zombie Armor

Wednesday, August 7th, 2013

Zombie-Proof Your Home: New Duds - Zombie Armor - Seva Team

Written by Steven D’Adamo

Steve here with another update from Fort Talk Local. Manpreet has encouraged me to keep writing these blogs until we can connect with real people again, and hopefully find Seva Man, who is still somewhere in the Midwest.

Since reuniting with our leader and fortifying our home, we have become emboldened. We conduct frequent raids to CostCo, gathering up as much supplies as we can, and search through surrounding neighborhoods for other survivors. We’re ecstatic to report that there are more than we thought!

We also send out parties to find zombies. And boy have we learned a few lessons…

– Cotton t-shirts are not made for protection of any kind.

– Bare skin is an open invitation to bites and scratches.

– Real armor is hard to find.

And that’s why we’ve each begun designing our own, custom armor. I advise that you do the same, and I have some ideas to get you started. Now that you know how to zombie-proof your home, it’s time to venture out and help others. Here are some easy, DIY armor ideas.

1. Headgear. Helmets, goggles, sunglasses, those weird earmuffs that wrap around the back of your head, even a hockey mask. Protect your face and head from scratches. Ears, eyes, and long hair are particularly vulnerable to pulling and gouging.

2. Thick materials. Your plain cotton t’s won’t cut it anymore. Rummage through your parents’ closet for an 80’s-style leather vest, or find thicker jackets to use as upper body reinforcement. Scrap denim is great for reinforcing joints and limbs in long-sleeved shirts, or doubling up on leg protection.

3. Real shoes. You can wear sandals or crocs (vomit) the next time you feel safe wandering around outside mostly naked. Ditch the open-toed footwear for something that will actually protect your feet. Above-the-ankle, steel-tipped, waterproof boots are ideal.

4. Get creative. Use plastic or metal scraps as a form of padding on your clothes. Seriously. Just go Office Space on a computer monitor and tie the strips of plastic around your forearms for some homemade wrist-guards. Nothing says “Don’t bite me!” like a swinging, plastic-reinforced forearm to the teeth.

5. Duct tape. Yes, old reliable even has its uses during the zombie apocalypse. Don’t have any fancy clothes or makeshift armor? Duct-tape your arms and legs, or any bare skin you don’t mind taping up. While the zombies are busy chewing on your cheap armor, you’ll be busy bashing their heads in. Just don’t cut off circulation.

6. Combine 4 and 5. Go big by duct taping plastic or metal scraps to a long-sleeved shirt, and then taping up any open fabric. The tape will prevent fabric from ripping, and the added armor is just that.

It’s just so hard to find a reliable tailor in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. However, you should be able to find something to protect yourself with as you forage for food, survivors, or vintage Pokemon cards… whatever floats your boat.

Stay safe, and get to fighting. Steve out.

Zombie-Proof Your Home: Protecting the Castle

Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

Zombie-Proof Your Home: Protecting the Castle - Seva Team

Written by Steven D’Adamo

I’m back yet again survivors, but it was a close one this week. The crew here at Fort Seva Call decided to go on a food-run, confident that our training regimen would keep us safe. Boy, were we dead wrong.

After returning from CostCo with a fresh cart of 500 cup-o-noodles, 4 gallons of sweet barbecue sauce, and a 50-pound bag of gummy bears, we found the front yard of Fort Seva Call overrun by zombies! It certainly put our training to the test, but we would not have survived if we hadn’t had a surprise visitor.

Manpreet Singh! The one and only Seva Call Founder was somehow surviving on the roof of Fort Seva Call…for weeks! He was separated from the other founders when the apocalypse broke out during their Chipotle run. When he returned to Seva Call headquarters to help the rest of us, he found it boarded up.

We managed to survive the attack with some fierce fighting and fearless leadership from Manpreet, and got back inside the Fort. Then, Manpreet decided it was time to expand the defenses of Seva Call’s home office into the front and back yards.

Maybe you can use some of these modifications to zombie-proof your home. Here’s what we did:

The front yard is a bottle-necked mud pit. Fort Seva Call has two entrances to a semi-circular driveway. Two-way access to the front of the house? No good. We barricaded both driveways with spare cars, forcing any zombies to come through the middle. The front yard is a short, but very steep hill, which we dug up and hosed down, turning it into a mud pit. We also uprooted the few saplings that were planted on top of the hill and threw them into the ditch at the bottom as further obstructions.

The side yards are littered with cars and spare furniture. We obviously don’t have enough huge pieces of junk to fill every space — we’re not Ikea — but it’s always good to create a labyrinth of blockades for your hungry pursuers. It also gives us some cover when we’re trying to sneak out.

The back patio is an obstacle course of more cars. We were actually lucky that the office was full when the infection broke out, because it left us with 27 cars to move around. The backyard is a flat, stone patio surrounded by a wide, grassy field. We played ring-around-the-patio with the cars, creating a wall of cover around the weakest point in the Fort Seva Call defenses.

And throughout this three-tiered defensive perimeter? Weapons stashes: because you never know when you’ll be on the run and in need of a handy mattock or crowbar. Two of the cars around the patio ring, one in each side yard, and two in the front yard are filled with weapons for quick, mid-sprint access.

If your fortress happens to have upper-level balconies or decks — or very large windows — you can always heave heavy objects off of them in the event of a zombie siege.

I hope you found this helpful. I’ll be back with more later on. Steve out.